


Of Matters Romantic, Capitalistic and Cinematic

by starwhale97



Category: Il Principe | The Prince - Niccolò Machiavelli, X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom, les mis
Genre: Crack, M/M, hot potato prompts, ralph lauren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 07:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3373772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwhale97/pseuds/starwhale97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of romantic adventures with Charles and Erik.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Matters Romantic, Capitalistic and Cinematic

The year was 1973.  Charles Xavier was sitting in his mansion’s dining room.  Across from him, at the far end of the table, sat Erik Lensherr.  They stared intensely at one another, waiting.  A few moments later, Raven walked into the room.  She was holding a large box.  The two men looked at her expectantly.

“Are you guys sure you want to do this?” She asked.

Charles nodded.  

“It must be done.” Erik said simply.

She set the box on the table.

“I just don’t think its a good idea.  You’re both mutants, but that doesn’t mean that you will survive something like this-”

Erik interrupted her in a cold voice and said “Don’t try to stop us.”

Slowly, she pulled two lava lamps out of the box and set one down in front of each of them.  

“If you idiots die, it isn’t my fault.” She stepped back.  

Each man unscrewed the top of the lava lamp.  

Raven began to count down.  “3...2...1...GO!”

They both began to furiously chug their lava lamps.

Raven sighed.  “You’re both really going to regret this....”

Undeterred by Raven’s warning, Erik and Charles decided to play the VHS tape anyways. “Relax Raven,” Charles scoffed. you act like watching Les Mis has the emotional equivalent of holding your newborn baby.”

“I’ll get the popcorn,” Erik offered.

“Trust me guys. I’ve seen this movie. It’s not for the light-hearted,” Raven warned again before leaving the room.

The two men started the movie right after Erik returned with the popcorn. They watched with glee as Jean Valjean and Javert duelled musically. “Jean Valjean reminds me of someone, but I can’t put my finger on it,” Charles mused.

“Mmmhmm,” Erik mumbled, stroking through his boyfriend’s hair. He loved it when Charles made random observations about irrelevant people.

“Aww, Cosette is so adorable. Do you think we’ll have a daughter like her?” Charles asked.

“We can have whatever we want,” Erik said, albeit a little menacingly.

By the first hour both men were completely captivated by the characters and the plot. Charles seemed to be mostly invested in the love triangle between Cosette, Eponine, and Marius (why, of course, since he is such a womanizer) while Erik seemed more concerned about the revolution. “That’s us”, Charles remarked, pointing at Les Amis de L’ABC. “There’s you, being full of revolution and shit,” he laughed, as Enjolras’ face came into view.

“Oh here comes the big scene”, Erik enthused as the film characters ascended up the barricades. By this point, both Charles and Erik were sitting at the edge of their seats.

“That’s the best part,” Raven shouted from the kitchen. “Just you wait until it’s over”.

Hours seemed to pass as Charles and Erik watched the barricade boys fall, one by one, their revolutionary dreams put to a brutal end within seconds.

Erik sat there speechless. “My heart,” he croaked.

“My ship,” Charles whispered. “How... why.. why did Eponine die?”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO”, Erik yelled, furious at the events in the movie.  "That just shanked me in the kokoro!"

Charles patted him gently on the shoulder.  “I think Hercules is probably favourite my Disney movie, but they cleaned it up quite a bit.  The mythology, I mean.”

Erik looked at him.  “Cleaned it up? What did they change? Hopefully not those splendid abs!” Erik admired the muscular greek hero on the TV screen and smiled.

Charles blushed a little, feeling jealous.  

“In the actual mythology, Zeus had a voracious sexual appetite that was never satisfied.  It just isn’t quite the same in this movie.” He was silent for moment, and then added “And Hercules really was supposed to be that muscular.

Erik grinned.  They watched quietly for few more minutes, and then Charles burst out suddenly “Erik, do you only like guys who are muscular? Like,” He was very aware of his face turning red.  “Would you still want someone who wasn’t very muscular...”

Erik laughed.  “What if I really do only like muscular guys?”

This question made Charles kind of uncomfortable, since he was obviously not a muscular guy. Any thought of losing Erik made him sick to the stomach. Charles smiled awkwardly and looked up to see Erik’s expectant face. Unable to come up with a witty remark, he chuckled nervously and excused himself to go to the bathroom.

I must start working out, Charles thought to himself. He couldn’t believe he never thought of it before. Just like how he’d been checking out girls, Erik had been checking out other guys. And all of them had beautiful, sculpted muscles. What if it was possible for me to lose Erik?

It was late, so Charles readied himself for bed. Feeling very insecure about himself and his relationship, he didn’t end up having a very comfortable sleep.

The next morning, he decided to walk to the local gym and sign up for a membership. Along the way, he noticed a crowd of college students. They were demonstrating loudly with big bulletin boards. He’d often seen crowds like this before, when he went on walks with Erik. They would always be ranting about some injustice in the world, such as abuse, white privilege, or capitalism. And each time, Erik wanted to leap right in there and join them. Erik was just so passionate about equality and the society. Charles smiled as he thought about what a sweetheart Erik actually was, under his superficial exterior.

“Erik, lets go on a date! Theres a deli down the road from here, and they have unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks right now.  I think the deal lasts until 7PM.  Lets go, Erik.  On me.” Charles could hardly believe what he was saying.  When had he become so confident?

Erik nodded his head happily.  “I think I would enjoy that!”

 

\-----

 

About thirty minutes into the meal, Charles realized what a huge mistake he had made.  Erik insisted that they needed to take advantage of the situation, so he kept asking for more food.  He had actually stopped being hungry after the third or fourth time the waitor came by.  Still, he continued to order more and shovel it down.

Charles was somewhat disgusted.  “This is incredibly distasteful.” He said sternly.  Erik’s only response was a grunt as he shoved another breadstick in his mouth.

“This is the worst date ever.” Charles put his head down on the table.  His romantic exploits just never seemed to work out.

Erik looked down at Charles with pity. Maybe they are too different for this relationship to work out. No matter how much they seemed to bond over movies and games, some trivial thing would create a rift in their relationship. “Come on,” he encouraged Charles. “It’s late, we should go now.”

As they left the restaurant they were approached by some panhandlers. Charles stopped to acknowledge them but Erik, being in a bad mood, continued down the street without a break in his stride. “Erik..” Charles said, pulling on his lover’s arm. “These people are suffering. Can you show them some sympathy?”

“These people don’t deserve anything from us,” Erik said, rage in his eyes.

“What happened to the righteous person who fought for equality. You always said that we’d destroy the capitalists together,” Charles pleaded.

“I’m not feeling your egalitarian crap right now Charles. Look at you right now, in your Burberry scarf and Ralph Lauren shoes. You don’t honestly care for them. And they don’t deserve anything.”

“Then you don’t deserve me. Good bye Erik.” Charles watched his hot-headed boyfriend walk angrily to the bus stop.

Charles returned to his mansion, where he took a pleasant bubble bath (with his luxuriant bath bomb). He then returned to his bedroom and started to read The Prince by Machiavelli. His readings were quickly interrupted by his butler, who delivered a handwritten message. It was from Erik.

He wasn’t paying attention to the note however.  He stared at his butler, who was not wearing his normal butler attire.  The man standing before him was wearing tight purple yoga pants with a dress shirt on top.  He was wearing a wig, but the hair on it was pulled back into a ponytail.  It looked messy.  Hanging from his ears were two large feather earrings.  Charles was a bit taken aback.

“Is that...really appropriate to wear while you’re at work?” He asked.

The butler stared at him.  “Well you don’t mind, do you?”

Charles didn’t really know how to answer that.  He snapped back to reality and began to read the note:

Charles: I’ve decided to go on vacation to Australia.  Be back in a couple weeks.  We can talk then.

Love, Erik.

“Well,” Charles said aloud.  “At least he still loves me.”

“He does indeed,” The strange butler affirmed.  “He does indeed.”

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Cards used:  
> -Chugging a lava lamp  
> -Getting shanked in the kokoro  
> -Zeus' sexual appetites  
> -White priveledge  
> -Poor people  
> -Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks  
> -A man in yoga pants with a ponytail amd feather earrings


End file.
